


The Sacrifices You Make

by Impala_Cherry_Trickster



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Aithusa - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Dragonlord Merlin (Merlin), F/M, Fluff, Freya - Freeform, Good Morgana (Merlin), Gwaine Flirts (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Memories, Minor Character Death, Protective Gwaine (Merlin), Protective Kilgharrah (Merlin), Protective Knights (Merlin), Scars, Spells & Enchantments, Violence, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23685481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Cherry_Trickster/pseuds/Impala_Cherry_Trickster
Summary: A spell, to unlock your deepest memories. A sorcerer, demanding either Merlin or Arthur partake.Like Merlin would ever let Arthur take the risk.
Relationships: Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 84
Kudos: 861





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Sadness, so much sadness. Hello to all my regulars, hello to anybody that doesn't yet know I have a bad obsession with Hurt!Merlin
> 
> Enjoy :)

Merlin didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one, little bit, but he didn’t have a choice. It was him, or Arthur, and when that situation came, it wasn’t really a choice. Arthur was fighting his restraints, tell Merlin not to do anything stupid, while Morgana was attempting to break free from the iron-cuffs that stopped her Magic. The Knights looked terrified, nobody wanted to be stuck in a spell, least of all one like this.

The deepest, strongest memories, broadcasted to all in this damp cave. If Arthur was put under the spell, his entire life would be up for show, a vulnerability that Merlin couldn’t allow. His King didn’t deserve such a thing, he’d worked so hard to get Arthur to the throne and courting Gwen, he wasn’t going to lose it because he’d been stupid enough to get some iron cuffs around his wrists.

So, Merlin volunteered. It earnt him a glare from Arthur, Gwaine’s shout, offering his own mind as a substitute, but the sorcerer looked intrigued.

‘Emrys himself, I accept your mind as an offering in replacement of the Pendragon.’ It was a good thing that Arthur was aware of his Magic, even if it wasn’t everything. He’d tried to limit what he knew, didn’t want him to realise the full extent to which Merlin was bound to him. Now, however, that seemed to be a shrinking possibility, the sorcerer approaching and Gwaine threatening a colourful selection of torture methods.

‘It will be painful.’ The sorcerer warned, holding the vial of disgusting coloured liquid, and Merlin prayed that this didn’t go badly.

‘Merlin, don’t be an idiot, I can drink it.’ Arthur stated, and the servant looked to the King.

‘It’s okay, how bad can it be?’ He joked, even if his voice trembled slightly and his eyes darted back to the green liquid. Morgana shifted, caught his gaze and a silent promise connected them, that if something went wrong, she’d keep Arthur safe.

‘That’s an order, Merlin. Don’t drink it.’ Arthur was pleading, begging, and that was the issue. He was all too ready to die, making it all the more harder for Merlin to keep him alive.

‘I never was one for listening to you, Sire.’ And with that, Merlin tipped his throat back and the sorcerer guided the liquid to his lips. It tasted awful, worse than the colour, and he gagged once it had gone down. The sorcerer was chanting, and his vision began to blur.

**

_‘Listen to me, Merlin, you cannot do that! I can’t keep you safe!’ Merlin trembled under his Mum’s firm gaze, let tears spill as he looked to the fire._

_‘I wanted to make it warm!’ He mumbled, tongue heavy in his mouth, tears spilling down his cheeks as she stood straight, a look of regret crossing her face before it became stern once more._

_‘Then you must go cold. I won’t have you using Magic, Merlin. Not ever.’ The boy nodded, bit his lip as she moved away from him, and he looked to the bright fire. It was so pretty, why could he not do such a thing? It was so cold outside._

_His Mother looked sad as she put the fire out, shuddered almost instantly and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. Merlin did the same, moved to the corner and caught the sad expression._

_‘I wish things could be different, my boy.’ He wanted to reach out, to hug the smile from her face, but Merlin was too busy being upset over his telling-off._

_**_

_‘WILL! Wait up!’ He darted through the trees, hearing Will’s laughter echo out. When he finally caught up, they both dropped to the grass and looked up to the sky._

_‘You think we’ll ever grow apart?’ Will asked, looking across to him. Merlin whacked his arm, his friend grumbling about how hard he hit, and Merlin looked back to the clouds._

_‘Course not. We’re best friends.’ Like it was the simplest thing in the world, and Will hummed in agreement._

_‘We should have houses next to each other.’ That caused giggles from Merlin, while Will quickly joined in._

_‘I don’t think my ma would approve.’ Merlin joked, and Will was the one to stand, offering out his hand._

_‘An adventure?’ He asked, and Merlin gripped his hand tightly._

_**_

_‘You’ll come back, right?’ Will asked, as Merlin packed his bag. The sorcerer looked to his friend, tried not to make this an emotional end._

_‘Of course. Gotta have our houses, remember?’ His friend snorted, even if he looked sad._

_‘I wouldn’t tell anyone, Merlin.’ He froze, left his bag and turned back to Will, moved across to sit by his side._

_‘I know, Will. But Mum won’t let me stay anymore, says it isn’t safe.’ Will huffed, clasped his hands together and then stretched them, refusing to meet his gaze._

_‘Would you ever have told me?’ It broke his heart, and Merlin looked away, unsure of the answer. That was enough for Will, he stood up and walked out, and Merlin was left alone._

_**_

_‘He’s a prat!’ Merlin stated, and Gaius raised one eyebrow judgementally, like he normally did._

_‘He’s the Prince. And your destiny.’ Merlin slumped, glared at his mentor, but had to accept the words as truth. It made sense, really, that he was lumbered with the biggest idiot in all of Camelot._

_Gaius shooed him on, and Merlin made his way through the Castle to Arthur’s Chambers, slipped in and noted the Prince wasn’t present. Good, he could have the bath ready. He had brought a bucket up, hummed to himself as he poured it in and let his Magic do the rest, warming the water and watching it steam._

_Just as that happened, the door swung open and Arthur walked in, barely even acknowledging him._

_‘Bath’s ready, Sire.’ Arthur looked across, scowling, and then looked to the boots he had just kicked off._

_‘Have these cleaned for the morning.’_

_‘Yes Sire.’_

_‘And my armour polished.’_

_‘Of course, Sire.’_

_‘And wipe that stupid grin of your face.’ Merlin sighed, which earned him a pillow thrown in his direction, and he ducked just in time. He looked to Arthur, who was evidently in a bad mood, and risked a question._

_‘Are you alright?’ He turned so quickly that Merlin knew he’d overstepped, quickly moved to grab the boots, then Arthur dismissed him._

_**_

_Merlin muttered the spell, watched the blade enchant and Lancelot kill the beast with ease, the Griffin dying and Lancelot staring at him._

_He knew._

_He’d seen his Magic, and Merlin began to panic._

_Only later did he think about the words the Knight had said,_

_‘It should be you he Knighted, Merlin. You’re the bravest of us all.’_

_**_

_Will’s body was burning, and it was all Merlin’s fault._

_‘You knew, that he was a sorcerer.’ Arthur stated, and Merlin’s gut tightened. This was all his fault, he’d lost his best friend because he’d been too scared to admit the truth. Will was right, he was no longer the person from his childhood._

_Arthur walked away, and Merlin scrubbed at his face sharply, wouldn’t let the tears fall._

_**_

_Merlin stood on the Isle of the Blessed, watching Nimueh’s smirk as he stood there, willing to die. The cup was there, the thing that would save Arthur, and Merlin made his promise._

_‘My life, for Arthur’s.’ Nimue offered out the goblet, and with one last hesitation, he took the cup._

_**_

_‘I’m happy to be your servant, Arthur, till the day I die.’ The Prince just waved him on, and Merlin forced himself to smile all the way back to his room, even if his heart felt like it was cracking._

_**_

_Gaius. That was all he could see, Gaius slumped on the floor, and Nimue’s growing anger that Merlin dare challenge her. He was dead, he could see that, and Merlin shouted at Nimue, protesting, it should have been his life, not his Mother’s. Not Gaius._

_He stands still, even as she offers out her hand, a chance to join her. It isn’t what he wanted, he’d lost everything._

_Fire, burning and hot, scarring his skin forever._

_‘You should not have killed my friend!’ Merlin didn’t know he could summon lightning, but it struck her down and he ran to Gaius, the rain pelting down as he held onto him, cried and clutched at him._

_And when he woke, asking Merlin to stop the rain, the servant had never smiled so much._

_**_

_Aredian, the Witchfinder that would kill Morgana, that would kill him, if he ever found out. Kilgharrah, stubborn as usual, told him the same thing that he didn’t want to hear._

_‘I won’t hurt Morgana.’_

_‘Kill the Witch, or she’ll kill you.’ He ignored him, went back to his issue of Aredian. After all, he had to protect Morgana, and Gaius, in any way that he could._

_**_

_How many times had he saved Arthur? The servant scrubbed at a stain on his boots, looked around the room and sighed._

_‘You’re hard to keep alive, Arthur.’ The Prince wasn’t in, otherwise he’d never say such a thing. Bandits, bounty hunters, Knights, sorcerers. The list went on._

_**_

_‘How many innocent people are you willing to kill, to save your Prince?’ The sorcerer hissed, on one of the many times he had gone to stop a threat that might hurt Arthur. Merlin rose his own hand, blocked the spell she had been ready to throw at him._

_‘As many as it takes to see him King.’ He stated, even if the words tasted foul and he hated himself for how true it was._

_**_

_‘I’m Merlin, by the way.’_

_‘I’m Freya.’ She was beautiful, that was all he could think, and Merlin’s smile was a genuine one this time._

_**_

_Her laugh was beautiful, it wasn’t quite the strawberries she’d asked for, but the rose seemed just as fitting. The way she accepted it, asked why he was so good to her, it broke his heart. He would set her free, run away with her, to a place where they were safe._

_They managed to escape Halig, and Merlin reassured her that he would look after her no matter what happened, that he’d keep her safe. Her eyes were wide, and she still looked so afraid, so he attempted to tell her that there was nothing to be scared of._

_The kiss was brief, but everything he’d hoped for, and Merlin couldn’t help the smile that took over his face._

_**_

_‘Then we’ll go somewhere no one knows us. Somewhere far away.’ He would give her anything, even give up the Destiny that he was supposed to have, just for her._

_‘I want that more than anything.’_

_**_

_Her eyes met his, so afraid, and he broke the gargoyle to reach her. She ran, fleeing from the Knights, from Arthur whose blade was still dripping blood. He ran after her, determined to find her and keep her safe, just like he had promised. It was the first time he’d ever risked Arthur, even if he’d known deep down that his Magic would never allow the stone to hit anywhere near him._

_‘There must be something I can do, some way to save you.’ He clutched at her, held her as she slowly bled out, blinking up at him through wide eyes._

_‘You’ve already saved me. You made me feel loved.’ He watched her slip away, stumbled back and let out a sob, a choked off sound as he mourned the woman he had lost._

_Only once the boat was burning did he turn back towards Camelot._

_**_

_‘Destiny comes first, young Warlock.’ Merlin screamed, screamed and sobbed and cried until he couldn’t anymore, and then he stood up and let it all slip away. When he went to serve Arthur his dinner, the Prince commented on how he looked like he’d been sniffing too many flowers._

_‘Is there a girl, Merlin?’ He teased, and Merlin offered the brightest smile, even as his heart splintered._

_‘No girl, Sire.’_

_**_

_He had a father. Balinor, the Last Dragonlord, and the man seemed shocked to meet him. But happy, and Merlin had finally found someone that might understand how lonely this life was, how much it hurt to be him._

_Then Balinor was moving, taking the hit that should have been for Merlin, and was dropping to the ground._

_‘I know you’ll make me proud.’ Merlin could do nothing but clutch at him, like he had done for Will and Freya, trying not to let his Magic slip away from him again._

_‘No man is worth your tears.’ Arthur stated, uncaring and oblivious as ever, and Merlin had to force himself up once again, back to the man that he needed to make King._

_**_

_Oh gods, it hurt so much, it felt like death itself. He screamed, screamed until his voice was hoarse, the Serket sting agonising. He should never have made the mistake of stalking Morgause, of listening to her command her general. The pain raced like fire, and he dropped to the ground, calling out for Kilgharrah to come and save him before it was too late._

_**_

_‘You don’t have to leave. If you told them you were nobility…’ Gwaine rolled his eyes, placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder and squeezed. Comfort, Gwaine had only known him for a short while, but Merlin had figured he’d be one to stay. Sadly, not many people seemed to stay as long as the Prince of Camelot._

_‘I’ll see you again, mate.’ Merlin was left standing there, turned his palm up and summoned a single, blue butterfly. He supposed that, in a weird way, he was mourning the loss of another friend that he couldn’t have._

_**_

_How many times would he be beaten and bruised? Gaius stitched up the wound on his arm, before offering him a mirror. His shoulder was an odd colour, another scar to add to the plethora that he’d gained in his duty to the Prince, now King._

_‘Where did you tell him I was?’ His stomach was a nasty colour as well, and he was sure it would hurt for a while._

_‘In the Tavern.’ Gaius admitted, while Merlin tugged his shirt back over his head._

_‘Of course you did.’ He grumbled, walked out of the room and in the direction of Arthur’s Chambers, only to be hit by a goblet as soon as he opened the door._

_It struck his bad shoulder, and the pain flared up, but Arthur was already turning and telling Merlin that if he was late again, he was going to be replaced by George._

_Merlin just nodded, picked the goblet up and regained his breathing._

_**_

_‘Gwaine.’ Merlin stated, trying to judge his reaction. The Knight was staring at him, just the two of them, in the middle of the forest._

_‘I thought you were sneaking out to meet a girl, not make butterflies from nothing.’ Gwaine remarked, staring at the cloud of them surrounding Merlin. The Warlock tensed up, fully ready to bolt, or to beg, he wasn’t sure which._

_‘I… No. No, I was doing Magic.’ He was going to lose his friend, one of his only friends, he didn’t think he could do this again. Gwaine blinked, then smiled._

_‘So, there’s no girl?’ He winked, and Merlin just shot him a confused look._

_‘You’re not… mad?’_

_‘I guess you’d have told me eventually, plus it’s pretty cool. Can I see some more?’ If Gwaine was surprised when Merlin basically threw himself at the hug, he didn’t say anything._

_**_

_‘So you have Magic.’ Arthur drawled, staring to the steaming bathwater, then back to Merlin, who was looking to the door. It had been an accident, as every other time had been, and now he was probably going to have his head chopped off._

_‘I… er, I, yeah.’_

_‘Well-spoken as ever, Merlin.’ The King looked angry, betrayed, but was trying to hide it._

_‘Do… do you want me to go?’_

_‘I need time. To deal with,’ he waved his hand vaguely, ‘all this.’ Merlin nodded, went to the door and was just about to leave._

_‘I can’t believe you’d betray me like this, Merlin.’ The King whispered, and the servant almost fell._

_**_

_‘Aithusa, no!’ He didn’t listen, burnt the plant to a shrivel anyway. Morgana snorted with laughter, Gwaine looking equally amused, the two of them propped up against trees in the clearing, while Merlin tried to train the baby Dragon._

_‘This is hopeless.’ Morgana rose up, walked across to him, and patted his shoulder. She noticed his wince, and Merlin quickly drew back, ready to hide. Unfortunately, Gwaine was quicker, was by his side and tugging his shirt in an instant._

_‘Hey! Leave it, I’m…’ He was cut off when the shirt was lifted enough to reveal an awful cut across Merlin’s stomach, that he’d received from a sorcerer last week. He stepped back, shoved his shirt down and looked to the two of them, who were both just staring right back at him._

_‘You didn’t see anything.’ He snapped, storming off into the woods with Aithusa quickly following._

_**_

_‘I’ve not done this before.’_

_‘Take your time.’ Gwaine coaxed, and Merlin sighed. He really did need help, and Gaius would kill him if he went to him, so it left logically one conclusion. One person he could trust._

_‘If I told you I needed to kill someone, would you ask questions?’ Gwaine’s expression morphed into confusion, then understanding._

_‘Someone threatening the Princess?’ Merlin nodded slowly, waiting for Gwaine’s answer._

_‘What do you need me to do?’ Oh, he could have cried, thanking the Goddess for letting him have somebody like Gwaine, someone who trusted him._

_‘Create a distraction.’ The Knight puffed his chest out, put on his best smirk, and even went as far as to lightly touch Merlin’s chin. The touch was welcome, Merlin had gone so long without any physical affection, Gwaine was a rarity._

_‘Consider it done.’_

_**_

_‘You’re okay, you’re going to be fine. That’s it.’ Merlin guided the man to the floor slowly, tried to stem the blood-flow from the wound, tried not to lose his mind at the fact somebody was dying. Because of him. Again._

_‘Keep your King safe, yeah?’ He muttered, coughed some blood, then tried to crack a smile. Merlin tried to return it, kept pressure on the wound._

_‘I will, and you’ll come back and tell him what you did, and he’ll reward you for what you did. One of the bravest men I’ve ever met.’ The man snorted, placed a bloody hand over Merlin’s, and patted it once._

_‘You look so lonely, Merlin. Anyone would think you do this often.’ He choked then, gasped, and Merlin had to watch as he shuddered, unable to die peacefully like he deserved._

_The Warlock rocked back, looked to the blood staining his hands, and could do nothing but stare._


	2. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Knights are Merlin's family

His head hurt, and when his fingers reached for his face, they came away bloody. Around him, he could hear the others talking to him, but it was difficult to focus when it felt like his head had been cracked open. All those things he’d hidden, kept secret, thrown out into the open.

‘Oh, that hurt, such delicious pain!’ Merlin agreed, although not with the delicious part. His pain wasn’t tasty, not for some sorcerer to enjoy, and he tried to raise up to the golden-eyed man, only for the creature to turn and smile down at him.

‘They say that Emrys loves nobody but the Once and Future King, should we see if that’s true?’ He was approaching again, ignoring the insults being hurled his way by the others, and Merlin gasped when a hand closed around his throat. The spell was being repeated, but he didn’t know if he could do this, didn’t think he could stand his head being opened up again.

‘D-don’t…’ The nausea was returning, and Merlin desperately prayed to whoever was out there that somebody came to get them. With that, he was dropped back to the stone.

‘Who’s in your heart, Emrys?’

**

_‘Have you never thought of marrying?’ Arthur was sitting by his side, the two of them looking out over Camelot. Merlin looked across to his King, rolled his eyes in the fond way that usually happened, before looking back out._

_‘I’m happy here.’ He was, he’d come to realise that this was where he belonged, by Arthur’s side._

_‘That wasn’t my question.’ Arthur pointed out, but he didn’t tease, just waited patiently for his answer._

_‘I don’t think it would suit me.’ He knew Arthur was studying him, expecting more, but he didn’t think he could give him that._

_**_

_‘You’re a good man, Merl.’ Gwaine slurred, narrowly avoiding falling off the bar-stool, Merlin catching him easily. He wrapped an arm around the Knight, guiding him from the Tavern once again, knowing it was better to not ask what had got Gwaine this drunk in the first place._

_‘C’mon, Gwaine, you’ve got training in the morning.’ The Knight grumbled, something about how he didn’t deserve to be a Knight, and Merlin stubbornly ignored him. He wasn’t going to let him slip away, Gwaine deserved this family as much as he did._

_‘Arthur’s lucky to have you.’ Gwaine sobered quickly, the stare he gave genuine, and Merlin fell into the trap of looking into those deep, expressive eyes. He could have got lost in them, had Gwaine not promptly turned around to throw up._

_‘Oh, Gwaine…’ Merlin muttered, moving to his friend and placing a hand on his lower back._

**

Merlin briefly saw stone, smeared in red, felt his back arch up as his body seized. The spell was tearing him apart, he knew that, vaguely met Morgana’s gaze as she tried to break free from the Iron Cuffs.

_**_

_He walked through the corridors, sneaking out of the way of a Guard, before reaching her Chambers. Opened the door, slipped in and locked it behind him. Morgana was by the window, staring at the shattered glass and the fire that had scorched marks onto the stone._

_‘I can’t… I can’t control it! It’s too much, I might hurt somebody!’ She looked terrified, and Merlin could do nothing but guide her back to the bed, let her curl up around him. He soothed her, stroked her hair and held her, promised that she was going to be fine._

_Once she was asleep, Merlin left the bed and moved to the glass, muttered a spell and watched it heal. He did the same to the fireplace, before looking back to the bed, to where Morgana was asleep._

_He tucked her in, smiled down at her._

_‘I’ll keep you safe, Morgana.’_

_**_

_‘You should go for it.’ Merlin stated, nudging Gwen’s arm, and the servant choked on her drink. She then slapped his arm, but looked across to the King hopefully._

_‘That’s the King you’re talking about!’ He was perfectly aware of that, but this party proved to be a great time to do a little match-making._

_‘A King who can’t keep his eyes off you.’ Merlin hinted, and Gwen looked back to Arthur, who happened to look up at that point._

_‘You really think so?’ Gwen chewed on her lower lip, and Merlin nodded, watched her smile spread._

_He made his way across, stopping to speak to some people, before reaching Arthur’s side. The King looked up when he arrived, excused himself from the people he had been talking to, turned to face him._

_‘Enjoying the party?’ He asked, not that he cared, his eyes were on Gwen._

_‘She looks pretty, doesn’t she?’ Merlin coaxed, and the King nodded, eyes focused entirely on her._

_‘You should go and tell her that.’ Honestly, it was like talking to a child, Arthur looked to him, then back to Gwen, who was chatting with one of the Guards._

_‘I think you’re right.’ He slammed the goblet he’d been holding into Merlin’s chest, liquid spilling over his best shirt, and Merlin sighed. Arthur walked across to Gwen, the two smiling brighter than he’d ever seen, before Merlin looked to his shirt._

_‘Playing match-maker?’ Morgana inquired, eyes briefly glowing golden to rid the stain on his shirt. He smiled up at her, put down the King’s goblet and rolled his eyes._

_‘He needs a little encouragement.’ That made her laugh, before her eyes wandered through the crowd, and Merlin decided a little more prompting was needed._

_‘As do you, if you think Leon’s ever going to realise that you’re staring at him.’ Her first instinct was to deny, before she gave him a look of contemplation. Then she nodded, just once, and moved towards where the First Knight was standing._

**

‘That’s it, deeper.’ The sorcerer snarled, and Merlin was pretty sure his eyes were about to explode, the pressure in his head was immense.

**

_Merlin snarled, threw the man back with a force that cracked his head open on the stone. The other man tried to run, but Merlin’s Magic wrapped around him, froze him where he stood. He looked terrified, trembling all over, and Merlin turned to face him._

_‘Where are they?’ He growled, twisted his hand and the man gasped, the pressure on his throat making his face turn red._

_‘P-please, mercy, please!’ Merlin didn’t care, twisted tighter, waited for the answer he needed,_

_‘Where are my friends.’ He shoved him back to the stone, and the man gave in, blabbering like a terrified child._

_‘Down in the cells, straight down, h-here.’ He handed the key, which Merlin took with distaste, before muttering a spell and dropping the man to the floor. He moved down the corridor, shook of his Magic and ran to the cell._

_‘Elyan! Leon! Are you okay?’ The two looked up, and Merlin unlocked the cell quickly and rushed in. Elyan was injured, but Leon seemed okay, if a little shaken._

_‘C’mon, let’s get you back to Arthur.’_

_**_

_‘Are you alright, Sir Leon?’ Merlin looked to the man, who was pacing in the corridor with a look of terror. He stopped when Merlin spoke, and the servant looked to the papers in his hands._

_‘I’ve got my first report due in tomorrow, as First Knight, and… What if it isn’t good enough? The nobles aren’t exactly fond of me…’ Leon looked ready to drop, and Merlin quickly decided that he needed to make sure that his friend was okay._

_‘Do you want me to read through it? I do the same for Arthur’s speeches.’ The look of relief was incredible, and the Knight relaxed slightly, offered a tentative smile._

_‘Would you mind?’ Merlin snorted, reached out and took them, tucking them into his jacket._

_‘I’ll have them back by nightfall.’ He promised, and Leon placed a hand on his shoulder, thanking him._

_Once the Knight was gone, Merlin could hurry onwards to Arthur’s Chambers, opening the door and swanning in._

_‘You’re late.’ Arthur snarked from his bed, where he was reading a book._

_‘I couldn’t be bothered to wake up, Sire.’ Merlin stated, and ducked the oncoming pillow._

_**_

_‘I should have seen it coming.’ Percival grumbled, and Merlin tutted, cleaning the wound on his shoulder. They were in the armoury, the Knight had been caught by a stray crossbow bolt that had sliced his skin, and he didn’t want the others to know. So, he’d asked Merlin, and the servant was more than happy to assist._

_‘You can’t have eyes in the back of your head, Perce.’ Merlin pointed out, the Knight chuckling. He waited until Percival was chatting away, placing a hand over the wound and letting his eyes glow, watching the skin begin to stitch itself together._

_‘Wow, whatever you put on that feels amazing.’ Merlin smiled, dressed the wound quickly._

_‘A poultice I learnt from Gaius, now, don’t unwrap it. I’ll have a look the day after tomorrow.’ The Knight smiled up at him, and Merlin packed up his stuff._

_**_

_‘Just go and talk to her.’ Merlin prodded him, and Lancelot sighed. In question, the pretty girl from the Village, Maeve. Lancelot looked to the flowers, then to the woman, evidently terrified._

_‘What if…’_

_‘No, not listening.’ Merlin stated, shoving him forwards. Lancelot started walking, and Merlin muttered the spell. The flowers changed colour, blooming and expanding into a brilliant bunch, Lancelot not noticing until he’d started speaking to her._

_‘They’re so beautiful! Thank you.’ She blushed, and Lancelot shot him a thankful look. Merlin just smiled._

_**_

‘That’s it, only a little more, Emrys.’

He couldn’t speak, couldn’t even move.

**

_Gwaine was training, shirtless, and Merlin let his eyes wander slightly. He was with Elyan, who was currently in the dirt, and Merlin went back to polishing Arthur’s armour, knowing the King would stop him from coming down here if he kept ogling the Knights. Or one in particular._

_‘Merlin?’ He looked up, found Elyan in front of him, offered a smile._

_‘What’s up?’ The Knight looked around, then back to him, and Merlin put the armour down._

_‘Could I have a word?’ Merlin hopped down from his perch, led him away into the trees, looked to him._

_‘I was thinking of doing something for Gwen, because it’s been two years since…’ He trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence. Two years since their father’s death. Merlin swallowed, remembered how hard he’d fought to save him._

_‘What do you need me to do?’ He asked, and Elyan shot him a thankful look._

_‘Could you ask the cook to prepare some food? I’m thinking a picnic, down in the meadow.’ A beautiful idea, and Merlin quickly assured him he’d have everything sorted by morning. The Knight thanked him, moving towards the armoury, and Merlin returned to his perch._

_‘Slacking?’ Arthur asked, looking to the dirty armour, and Merlin swallowed. Crap._

_‘Well, Sire, you see…’_

_‘Just get it done, Merlin. And the stables, for talking back.’ Merlin pouted, muttered something about ungrateful Kings and returned to polishing._

_**_

_He managed to get Gwaine into the bed, the Knight giggling and rolling over onto his back, making vague grabby hands at him._

_‘Must be some girl.’ Merlin muttered, looking around for a blanket to cover him, before he spotted one in the corner._

_‘Merlin!’ Gwaine protested as he walked away, so Merlin returned, placing it over the Knight. Gwaine looked up with wide eyes, cocked his head slightly._

_‘Stay?’ Gwaine was very drunk, wouldn’t even remember this in the morning, and so Merlin ignored the Knight and blew out the candle._

_‘Good night, Gwaine.’ One fond look, before he walked across to the door._

_‘Night, Merls.’_

_**_

_The Guard snatched, grabbing his wrist and Merlin yelped, dropped the King’s pudding and gasped as he was slammed into a wall. Not the first time, but this was painful, and he looked up the greedy eyes._

_‘You’ve got pretty lips, boy. Perfect for…’_

_‘Merlin, there you are!’ Gwaine, oh thank Heavens, moved across and wrapped an arm around his waist, tugging him away from the Guard. Merlin relaxed against him, watched Gwaine eye up the Guard in front._

_‘There an issue here?’ The Guard looked between them, then quickly shook his head, returning to his post._

_‘Everything okay?’ Gwaine asked, and Merlin stepped away from the warmth of his body, quickly dusted himself down and offered a cheeky grin._

_‘Fine, Sir Gwaine. You better hurry up, Elyan’s at the gate waiting for you.’ The Knight chuckled, ran off, and the Guard looked back to Merlin._

_‘Should have known you were whoring yourself out to a Knight like that.’ Merlin’s anger grew, glaring at the Guard, risking a snarl._

_‘He’s a better man than you’ll ever be.’_

_**_

_‘Tell me the truth.’ Arthur stated, and Merlin shifted, looked anywhere but at the King._

_‘I was picking herbs.’_

_‘Try again.’ How was he supposed to say he was hunting a sorcerer, one that had tried to sneak into the Castle and kill the King._

_‘The Tavern.’ He admitted, and Arthur rolled his eyes._

_‘The stocks.’ Brilliant. Merlin scowled, walked from the room and accepted his fate._

_**_

_He got rid of the tomatoes on his shirt, peeled it off and looked to his stomach. The bruising was bad, but not as bad as his back, that ached fiercely. He couldn’t tell how bad it was, so he muttered a cleaning spell and tried to look at the skin._

_The door opened, Gaius halting on the step, staring at the marks that Merlin knew were there, even if he couldn’t see them._

_‘Belt-marks?’ He asked, and Merlin tried to peer over his shoulder._

_‘Whip marks. I should really start charging them for a go at me.’ Gaius rolled his eyes, and instructed his Ward to sit down._

_‘Bending over in the stocks can’t have been pleasant.’ Gaius dabbed at the skin, and Merlin hissed._

_‘It wasn’t.’_

_‘You shouldn’t provoke him so, Merlin.’ He just huffed, rolled his shoulders and tried not to wince when he applied a cream._

**

The iron was splintering, he could feel it. Kilgharrah was close, his blood was burning under his skin, and Merlin let out one last spell, felt the iron crack. The sorcerer jumped, hurling a spell at him that would have worked, had Merlin not slammed a shield between them.

He was unsteady, his feet wobbled and his head was blurry, but it wasn’t enough to keep him down.

‘Y-you shouldn’t have hurt them.’ Merlin managed to get out, heard the familiar sound of Aithusa, who appeared in the Cave, studied the scene.

‘The sorcerer.’ Merlin vaguely gestured to the man, the Dragon yipping in response, before he felt the hot heat of fire. The sorcerer screamed, but it didn’t last long, Dragon fire was dangerous. With that, Merlin decided it was time to let someone else do the hard work, let his legs buckle and hit the floor.


	3. Out of the Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine's pissed, Kilgharrah's a legend and Arthur looks slightly unsure

Morgana was the one to cradle him, hold him carefully against her as the Knights cleared the way out of the Cave, checking for any signs of other threats. From the yelps that sounded, followed by a low, grumbling voice, Morgana figured that Aithusa was not the only Dragon in the vicinity.

Gwaine came rushing back for Merlin, scooped him up like he weighed nothing. They both dutifully pretended that they had not seen inside Merlin’s head, his most private memories. The two walked out of the Cave, Merlin’s limp body unmoving, into the light outside the Cave.

Sure enough, Kilgharrah was a short distance away, staring at Aithusa with an almost-affectionate smile. Morgana looked to her half-brother, wished she could say something to comfort him, the stricken look on his face the worst thing she’d seen. Then again, he was the one in for the biggest shock, it was only natural that he reacted the worse.

‘Witch.’ Kilgharrah greeted, and Morgana eyed him up carefully. She had seen the memory of him telling Merlin to kill her, even if she already knew that was what he thought.

‘Dragon.’ She shot back, before nodding to Gwaine, leading him closer. The Knight followed, until they were close to Kilgharrah, and she helped lower Merlin to the floor.

‘We have to move back now.’ She prompted, but Gwaine didn’t seem to want to leave, his eyes focused on Merlin’s unconscious body. Before this, she was probably the only one that knew that Gwaine was serious about his feelings towards Merlin. Now, it was clear for them all to see, in the way he looked ready to break anything that stood between him and the Warlock.

She took his hand, led him back a couple of metres, trusting her shield would hold. Kilgharrah regarded Gwaine, she could see the calculating stare, before fire rushed forth. Gwaine’s shriek was covered by the burning sound, the shield holding between them.

She dropped it the moment the flames vanished, Gwaine diving right back to Merlin’s side, the blood now gone.

‘His mind needs rest, it was a powerful spell that broke open his Magic. Keep him close.’ Kilgharrah pretended not to care, but she knew how much he would do for Merlin. It was possibly the point that they both crossed over at, a care of the Warlock on the floor.

‘Thank you.’ She meant it, she would not have had the energy to heal him like Kilgharrah could. The Dragon faltered, looked back to Merlin, then to her.

‘Was… was it bad?’ It wasn’t what she’d been expecting, a hole in his normal façade, and Morgana trembled slightly. It was like she had felt everything, seen every memory, every ounce of sadness that broke through him.

‘It wasn’t good.’ She concluded, and the Dragon looked away.

‘Until next time, Witch, Pendragon.’ The Dragon nodded briefly to Arthur, before he was taking to the skies, leaving behind Aithusa, who had curled up next to where Gwaine was cradling Merlin.

‘We need to get back to Camelot.’ Morgana eventually said, turning to look at her brother. Arthur was frozen, staring at Merlin, like he’d seen a ghost. No, he hadn't seen a ghost, he’d seen the painful memories of Merlin’s life, of everything he’d done in the name of the King of Camelot.

**

Gwaine was angry. So very angry, fuming with it, and Arthur was wise enough not to comment. Merlin was placed in a spare chamber in the Castle, nobody saying a word as Gwaine kicked off his boots and settled behind him, so Merlin could rest against him. Gaius was called for, the Knights in the doorway wearing solemn expressions, and Gwaine gritted his teeth.

He’d known it was bad. He’d tried to stop it, the constant cycle of hurt, but he hadn't realised quite how bad it was, not until this moment. Until he’d had to watch every tear, every scream of pain. His fingers traced the edge of the shirt, moving the neckerchief to the side, lowering the shoulder just enough to see the raised marks of the Serket sting.

Arthur was in the room, but he refused to look at any of them. In fact, he was staring out of the window, hunched over and tense.

‘Gaius is coming, and I found…’ Morgana was cut off by Gwen, who appeared in the room, gasped and threw herself towards the bed.

‘Oh Merlin, what… what happened?’ She took his hands in hers, Gwaine watching protectively, but Gwen was no threat. Nobody answered her, despite how Gwen looked around the room, until eventually, Leon spoke.

‘It was a spell. We… we got caught by a sorcerer.’ Nobody pointed out that Merlin had adamantly stated that they should not go anywhere near the Cave, that he had a bad feeling about it. They didn’t point out that Arthur had rolled his eyes, called him a girl and ignored him. Gwaine bristled, moved his hand to rest his fingers on Merlin’s pulse, just to reassure himself.

‘And…?’ Gwen whispered, sounding heartbroken, and Morgana continued where Leon could not.

‘It allowed us to see his memories. The ones that affected him the most.’ Gwen rose her head, looked straight at Gwaine, and he knew his face gave away the gravity of the situation. Tears formed in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks and onto the bedsheets beneath them, before she took Merlin’s hand back in hers and held it close.

Gaius arrived, looked around the solemn room, then moved quickly to the bed. Gwen shifted, climbing so she was on the bed and out of the way, by Gwaine’s side. The Knight gave her a brief nod, an acceptance that she wouldn’t hurt him, and then looked to Gaius.

‘Kilgharrah said he would be fine, but he needed rest. The spell… it had effects.’ Morgana’s voice was the strongest in the room, only wobbling slightly. She, out of everyone, had the best idea of what Merlin had gone through.

‘Effects? Gaius asked, rummaging through his bag and pulling out a vile. Gwaine tensed, every instinct screaming at him not to let anyone near Merlin again. Surprisingly, the Physician opened the vial, dabbed a little onto his finger and then placed it in his own mouth, before looking to Gwaine.

Without asking, the man had recognised that Gwaine was not going to let anyone near Merlin, not if they had the chance to hurt him. The Knight nodded, cradled Merlin’s head gently as Gaius poured the liquid.

‘Iron cuffs, repressing his Magic. The spell, I didn’t recognise all of it, but it was supposed to conjoin our minds. He was bleeding from his nose and ears.’ Morgana moved closer, before halting, and a screeching sound came from outside the window. Gwen jumped, but nobody else did, Morgana moving quickly and opening up the glass.

The Dragon just about managed to squeeze in, looked briefly around the room.

‘Oh my…’

‘Aithusa, meet Guinevere. Gwen, this is Merlin’s hatchling.’ The Dragon was moving to Gwaine’s side, the Knight looking down to him and trying his best to convey that Merlin would be fine. Gaius stepped back, looked to the King, who had not turned away from the window.

‘He should be fine, with rest and time to recover. I shall look into the spell, if you would tell me what you can remember, Lady Morgana.’ She gave one last look to Gwaine, before following the Physician out. Gwen moved off the bed to go to her brother, the Knights speaking in hushed tones, while Gwaine carefully reached down with one arm to scoop up the Dragon.

Aithusa, once on the bed, curled up on the pillows by his side, made a grumbling sound deep in his belly.

‘It’s okay, he’ll be fine.’ Gwaine promised, stroked his fingers through Merlin’s dark hair. Arthur slowly turned, took in the scene, then met Gwaine’s gaze.

He looked awful. Pale, open and vulnerable, and Gwaine felt sorry for him. It wouldn’t be an easy conversation to have.

‘Inform me if he wakes.’ Arthur finally said, before fleeing from the room. The Knights paused, but Gwaine paid them no attention, just went back to watching Merlin. Gwen was the last to leave, lingering with her hand on the door, but there was nothing she could say to comfort Gwaine.

Nothing would make him happy, not until Merlin woke.


	4. Ignore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin doesn't want to acknowledge it

Merlin couldn’t breathe. It felt like he was back in the Cave, with his mind being cracked open and everything… leaking. All his secrets, all his grief and pain, oozing out of a wound that couldn’t heal. He was struggling, lungs screaming for air and body thrashing, but all he could think about was the pain. There was so much of it, it felt like a thick blanket, smothering him.

‘…come on, you can do it…’ Someone was speaking, words that flicked through the memories of blood and death, of all the suffering he had caused. It wasn’t until the scent of leather, pine and polish invaded his senses, that he began to calm down. He’d know that anywhere, forced his mind to recognise the rough, calloused hands that were holding his, the body he was pressed against.

Even though it was dark, Merlin could tell where he was. Safe, tucked his head into the crook of the man’s neck, felt the Knight tense.

‘Merlin?’ Could he ever look any of them in the eye? Would they be able to forgive him, for all the secrets he kept from them?

‘Hey, hey it’s okay.’ He might have been crying, Gwaine was running his hand up and down his back, comforting him. Like he deserved such a thing.

‘M’sorry.’ He croaked, and Gwaine tensed like he’d been hit. A hand reached for his hair, running through it and pulling him closer, enveloping him where he would be safe.

‘Sleep, Merlin. You’ve got nothing to apologise for.’ He did, so many things, but he didn’t argue. He gripped at the Knight, prayed that Gwaine wouldn’t leave.

He didn’t think he could survive if he left again.

**

Morgana regarded her brother will a calm look, even if her insides were swirling. Anxious, with the news that reached them that Merlin had woken up. Gaius and Gwaine were the only two allowed in so far, the rest were in Arthur’s Chambers, waiting for an update.

She hadn't realised quite how much Merlin did for them. Logically, she knew that he protected Arthur. But the memories had shown far more than him protecting Arthur, they’d shown the loyalty Merlin had for all of them. Looking across to the others, she could see the guilt and horror on each of their faces, like they’d never considered that Merlin could suffer so much.

Gwen was with them, having been told roughly what each memory contained. The one about her, she’d teared up at that, taking Arthur’s hand and squeezing it. The King hadn't spoken, not to any of them, and not even George had managed to get a response from him.

Right now, the servant was in the Chambers, talking away about how the Council were expecting Arthur’s presence. Morgana was tempted to throttle the idiot, and she could see from Arthur’s tense stance that he was ready to throw something.

The Knights didn’t seem that impressed either, but then George did make a mistake. A big one.

‘I must say, Sire, where is Merlin at the moment? He’s been slacking in his kitchen duties for quite some time now.’ She knew, on some basic level, that he meant no harm. George was a servant that saw the benefit of being able to be close to the King, to advance his own position.

The fatal mistake had been attacking Merlin, Morgana concluded. Arthur’s head snapped around, eyes close to murderous, and the servant fell still. Very still, colour draining from his face like he realised the line he had crossed, and Arthur crossed the space in three strides.

Nobody would have stopped him, no matter what he was going to do. Nobody, that is, apart from Merlin.

Who took that very opportunity to open the door, stepping into the room and frowning.

‘Arthur.’ One word, enough to stop the King mid-motion, for George to bow quickly and scamper from the room, avoiding Gwaine, who was standing close enough to be Merlin’s shadow.

‘Merlin.’ Breathed out, in relief yet worry at the same time, and a silence formed over the group. Morgana expected something, anything, to happen.

The silence stretched, until Merlin took note of the bruises that Arthur had obtained, the scratch along his jawline that looked quite painful. He moved across the Chambers without hesitation, and Arthur seemed unable to do anything but let Merlin fuss over him.

‘Only you would manage to get such an injury.’ Merlin tutted, a frown on his face as his hand hovered over the wound, a healing spell that Morgana knew from experience was complicated, performed with such ease. His eyes flashed gold, the wound closing and leaving no trace behind.

When he went to step back, Arthur’s hand clamped over his wrist. Morgana didn’t miss the flinch, or the way Gwaine looked ready to step in.

‘Sire?’ Merlin was giving him a chance, all of them a chance, to pretend they hadn't seen anything. To bury this, to hide it under layers of fake smiles.

‘I’ve hurt you.’ The admittance was met with a shudder than ran through Merlin’s body, a look of horror, not at the sentence, but at the fact that Arthur looked so pained.

‘I’m fine.’ Merlin’s reply came without hesitation, and Morgana looked away, knowing he’d been lying for so long, that he didn’t even realise what was going on anymore.

‘No more lies, Merlin.’ For somebody that kept them as part of a daily life, Morgana could see the issue. Merlin stared down, to where Arthur’s hand was still around his wrist, then back to the King.

‘You feel guilty.’ Merlin concluded, and perhaps they were finally making some progress.

‘Guilty? I’ve been taking you for granted for years! Why aren’t you angry at me!’ Arthur’s raised voice had most of the people in the room flinching, everyone except from Merlin, who just stood there and stared at him.

‘You should be angry. Or hurt! Or anything, other than this!’

Morgana had been raised by Arthur’s side, had seen how he was taught to keep emotions out of all decisions he made. She’d seen him cry a handful of times, yet now the tears seemed to be unstoppable, staining his cheeks and the collar of his shirt.

‘It’s okay, Arthur.’ Merlin was moving, slowly, like he was trying not to freak him out. Arthur was still shaking, rage and turmoil wrapped up into a mess of things he couldn’t comprehend, but Merlin knew how to handle it. Like always, he knew Arthur better than the King knew himself, arms wrapping around him and pulling him in like a child.

Most wouldn’t see the way this was affecting Merlin, but Morgana had gotten used to picking up on the subtle cracks in his façade. The way his eyes kept shut, to hide the emotions that always stood so clearly in the deep-blue. The tremble than ran through, replaced by the way his grip around Arthur tightened.

Without Arthur, Merlin would have fallen apart.

**

The Warlock sat in the sunlight, stretched out, letting it warm his skin. He was far too aware of the people staring at him, waiting for him to break.

But he’d already done that, on the Cave floor, cracking apart as someone influenced his mind, used it against him. He’d hurt so many people, to keep the Knights of Camelot safe, to protect Arthur. And, as much as it hurt to think about, he knew he’d do it all again if he had to.

Arthur was his Destiny, but he was also his friend. The lines had long ago blurred, he wasn’t doing this because of some prophecy, he was doing it because he wanted to keep Arthur safe.

Still, he felt the need for some comfort, and was unsure if it was wise to admit such a thing when the group looked at him like he was about to break. So, he’d come to a point where he could let them see what he was doing, while having some privacy.

The spell was a quick one, summoning water from deep beneath the soil to rise up, forming a puddle on the ground. It may not be large, but it was enough to call out for the one person who knew everything.

Freya never took that much convincing to visit him, she quite liked being summoned to different locations, and was more than happy to sit in the sunshine with him, her connection to the Lake maintained by the spell.

‘They know about you.’ He didn’t look across, because every time he did, his memory of Freya shifted. This Freya, the one that sat in a white gown with dripping hair and eyes that were slightly too cold, was not really his Freya. She was something different, magical, tied to the old Religion and not his.

But she was somebody that could listen.

‘I heard about the spell, Merlin, I’m sorry.’ Her skin was cold, hand taking his and squeezing it briefly. It was nice, after being reminded of her from the memories, to see her like this.

‘They know so much about me now.’ That was the bit he couldn’t handle, the fact that his secrets were out in the open, that they knew about him.

‘But you trust them.’ She added, and Merlin weakly smiled.

‘With my life.’ This time, when he looked to Freya, the smile was almost real.

‘Then there is nothing wrong with showing who you really are.’

Merlin turned back to the sun, even after she’d vanished into the water he’d summoned, and wondered how to get things back to normal.


	5. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The comfort needed to end this fic

‘Just… just let me.’ Merlin didn’t argue, didn’t think he could. He stood in his room, knowing that Gwaine wasn’t going to hurt him. His fingers trailed over his torso, bare, Gwaine having walked in and frozen when he saw that Merlin was getting changed. Now, they were stuck in this awkward limbo, unsure of how to progress.

When his hands got to the Serket sting, Merlin tensed up.

‘I could feel it.’ Gwaine whispered, like his heart was shattering, and Merlin forced his body to relax. They traced the risen veins, the marks that he could only hide with Magic, calloused hands spreading across the skin of his back.

‘Gwaine…’ Pleading, but he wasn’t sure what for, for them not to have this awkward conversation? The hands moved further, down the whip-marks and round to his stomach, Merlin spinning as they did. Now, face to face with the Knight, he could see all the pain. The hurt, the secrets he’d kept pulling them apart.

‘You’d die for him.’ The hands went to his collarbone, then drifted down.

‘I’d die for any of you.’ It was like another secret, the truth slipping out, and Gwaine tensed up.

‘No more.’ The anger wasn’t directed at him, he knew that, but he still hung his head in shame. Gwaine huffed, hand tilting his chin up, and Merlin saw the determination.

‘I’ll tell you.’ He promised, and Gwaine relaxed, leant forwards to kiss his forehead. Merlin was hesitant to admit he was enjoying this affection, he rarely was treated in such a… gentle way. It was refreshing, full of love and protection, and he smiled to the Knight.

‘Together.’ Gwaine’s own promise, offering something that was more than the friendship that had formed between them. Merlin thought back to Freya, to the way his heart shattered when she died, then looked to Gwaine. If he lost the Knight…

‘I can’t lose anyone else.’ He spoke so quietly, but it felt loud in the room, echoed out. The older man didn’t let him look away, cradled his face like he was afraid Merlin might break.

‘I won’t leave you. Ever.’ How could he promise such a thing? Was it really worth the leap of faith, the chance of his heart breaking further? If Gwaine died…

‘I’m loyal to you, Merlin. Not Camelot, not the Princess. You.’ Deep down, he’d known that, even if he’d never thought Gwaine would say it. Now, it hung between them, and the decision lay in Merlin’s hand.

In the end, it wasn’t a hard decision.

‘Yes.’ It was the only thing he could do, it was who he was. Trusting, loyal, loving. And if he got hurt, then it would lay on his shoulders, and his alone.

‘Can I?’ Gwaine whispered, his thumb brushing over Merlin’s lower lip, and the servant sucked in air.

‘The answer’s always yes.’ Merlin admitted, and Gwaine briefly regained his signature smirk, before lips lightly pressed to his.

It was short, sweet, but Merlin knew it wouldn’t be the last. It was a promise, of everything they had said, of everything that rested between them.

**

Merlin couldn’t wipe the smile, walked into Arthur’s Chambers with the water for his bath, stopped when Arthur yelped.

The King stood, attempting to hide the papers behind his back, and Merlin cocked his head.

‘What are you hiding?’

‘Merlin, I’m your King, I can hide what I like.’ Defensive, Merlin was curious, placed down the water and let his eyes glow briefly, the papers leaving Arthur’s hands and hovering between them. He wouldn’t steal, not if Arthur genuinely didn’t want him to see.

The King was blushing, gestured to them and turned away.

‘I just thought you deserved it.’ Merlin reached out, snatched the paper from the air and let his eyes scan over them.

‘You’ve gone mad.’ He concluded, and Arthur let out a brief chuckle.

‘You’re the only person I’ve ever met that doesn’t want to rise in position.’ He didn’t answer to begin with, looked at the position Arthur was offering him. Chambers in the Palace, the official Court Sorcerer. The first one since Nimueh.

‘I don’t want recognition.’ He never had. Arthur looked back to him, a sad expression that Merlin realised he had caused. The King moved towards him, halted and looked unsure of what to say.

‘But you deserve it.’ This was worse than his conversation with Gwaine, he’d never done well with Arthur and emotions. It happened so rarely, especially if Arthur was the one starting it.

‘Who’ll dress you in the morning.’ He joked, trying to diffuse the tension, and Arthur snorted with amusement.

‘I can dress myself you know.’ Was he trying to get rid of Merlin? Was that what this was? No, Merlin knew it wasn’t, but Arthur seemed to pick up on the insecurity that came quickly.

‘Plus, you’re just down the corridor. I can always call for you.’ It was an offer of a better life, Merlin realised. An apology, that Merlin didn’t really expect, but he appreciated.

‘And I’ll need you to warm my baths, of course.’ The humour was back, a smirk tugging at the King’s lips, and Merlin smiled back.

‘Thank you.’ He stated, honest, and Arthur looked away. That was the limit of this conversation, apparently.

‘Just don’t get yourself killed, okay? You need my help, you come to me.’ He had a feeling that all of the Knights were going to tell him that, and Merlin blinked back the tears while smiling.

‘I will.’ He looked to the bath, eyes flashing gold and filling it to the top, steaming hot with the addition of bubbles.

‘Good.’

**

‘I told you it would all work out.’ Morgana stated, and Merlin was inclined to agree. The Knights, just like Merlin had expected, had come forwards to speak to him individually. Leon first, then Lancelot, then Elyan, and finally Percival. Each making him promise that he would come to them if needed, and that they were thankful for him being a friend.

Percival went as far to ruffle his hair, and Elyan called him a brother, and that was nice. Gwen had invited him for dinner, like she usually did but he knew that this time, she was trying to say thank you.

He was quite unused to it all, but it didn’t stop him from accepting the words and offers.

‘Indeed.’ Merlin remarked, then looked to where the Knights were training, caught sight of Gwaine stripping off his armour and chuckled.

‘Stop staring.’ Morgana whacked his arm, and he glared across at her. It was nice, though, to no longer be a servant. To be able to lounge around.

The only thing Court Sorcerer did, was assist the King in all things Magical.

Basically what he’d been doing for all his time in Camelot.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all really need to stop me writing hurt! Merlin fics, I'm getting obsessed


End file.
